FORNICATION
It has been said that anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her a victim of adultery, and any who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 5:31-32
*Note Bene: this is a delicate and controversial subject. But to start, this subject is looked at with what I hope is a desire for scriptural understanding. As such any references to marriage herein need to be taken in context with what God intended-one man, one woman. This cannot be debated. Don’t yell at me if you disagree. Take it up with God. Thanks for understanding!
Fornication is the act of sex between two people who are not married. This is often confused with being different from ‘adultery’, in that it was considered sex outside of marriage. So an unmarried person commits ‘fornication’ while a married person commits ‘adultery’. Because we misunderstand the word. They are one in the same-fornication is unlawful sexual conduct between two unmarried persons and adultery is the unlawful sexual conduct between two unmarried persons. (And in reading this I am struck with three thoughts: (1) I didn’t mean to say ‘threesomes’ are OK because its with more than two people and (2) why did I say ‘unlawful’ and ‘unmarried’ if God decreed sex was only between the married couple? Anything outside of that union should be considered ‘unlawful’. (3) This doesn’t differentiate between ‘sexual conduct’ and ‘sexual acts’. They are consider the same thing, regardless of what current cultural norms are trying to convince us. Oh well…)
And it fits heavily into the idea that divorce is only right if one of the other has had sexual relations outside of the marriage covenant. Which is where the issues for us start-should an abused spouse stay in the relationship? If it becomes dangerous or something illegal begins to occur-what then? Are there any ‘gray’ areas where it would be lawful without their being sin of a sexual nature?
The idea of ‘divorce only in the case of sexual immorality’ has caused a lot of problems and I admit for the longest time I held the same opinion. Except there was this nagging issue that in some places ‘fornication’ was used instead of ‘adultery’. And one I thought was only between married couples, with one being outside of marriage. And then there was the verse in Jeremiah 3:8 where God grants Israel a certificate of divorce for ‘all of her adultetries’. But can a nation be in a sexual relationship-and if so, who was the spouse?
Long story short it isn’t so much the physical relationship of a sexual nature. Both fornication and adultery are the breaking of a sacred trust-a vow-a covenant. We enter into a ‘covenantial relationship’ with our spouse based upon God’s instructions back in Genesis 2:24. And He will use it as an example of the relationship that He has with His chosen people and also as an example between Christ and the church. These are sacred trusts. Promises. And given that God uses them as an example of His love, pretty darned important!
To keep ‘for better or for worse’ doesn’t mean through anything the other might do wrong. In Malechi 2:16 the example is that anyone who hates his wife has committed violence against her. (Or switch it around-she against him). And this also shows us where these two words-adultery and fornication come into play-they are examples of ANYTHING that breaks the covenant. Not just deed, but in word as well. Israel did ‘adultery’ before the Lord by worshiping other gods. But this isn’t ‘adultery’, it is ‘idolatry’. But yet it is breaking a covenant with the Creator so it IS all three-idolatry, adultery and -by definition-fornication. All of it was breaking the sacred vows.
Paul and Peter and John all three speak of loving our spouses just like we love ourselves, because God said ‘the two shall become one flesh’. This is a sealing together-a vow. Anything that breaks this trust should be considered fornication and adultery. Yes, this leads into an open door that can be abused-but that speaks more to a serious spiritual issue dealing with God and our individual selves than anything. The entire book of Hosea is an example of fornication and adultery being committed-but love and repentance and commitment and forgiveness are at the forefront, as well.
We all make mistakes. We all are guilty at one point or another of being a fornicator to our spouses. (Saying something such as: “You burnt dinner-you suck!” is an example. Can it be considered fornication/adultery?-well, was it said in anger? Have we hurt our spouses with that comment? That’s a breaking of he marriage vow-so yes. That’s fornication). But we have the example of God showing us that repentance needs to be seeked, and then forgiveness should be offered. Yes, we sin. Yes we are sinned against. But that doesn’t mean it’s an excuse to throw in the towel. Fornication is a big word that simply means ‘I an a fallen, sinful human. I need help, I need grace’. Obviously somethings need to be dealt with swiftly and to an end. Others though can be dealt with through love and grace-repentance, counseling, a true and contrite heart. Divorce should be considered for the drastic measure it is, and used if drastic measures are called for. Like Christ said, it was for the ‘hardness of your heart’ that divorce is allowed, not for convenience sake.
Mark 10:6-10
But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and the two become one flesh So that they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefor God has joined together let no man sunder.